I am just going to start this one really honestly, I love romance. As long as I could remember I have been a romantic, which is really fitting because I am an enneagram type four which is often nicknamed the “hopeless romantic.” At first I didn’t believe in the whole hopeless part but lets be honest I have idealized perfect romance which does not exist. There is a secret I will share with you, I have read every Nicholas Sparks novel, subscribed to his newsletter and have even met him once. I know you are in utter disbelief but its true!
Romance is something I never have gotten tired of. This brings me to my point. How in the world as a twenty-something am I supposed to see all these beautiful couples getting engaged, eloping and getting married and not want that? I mean have you seen the photographs? Have you talked to people who are at that point in their life? Gosh, it is just all so beautiful….maybe it’s just me.
Unfortunately, I have found myself growing increasingly jealous and hateful towards these people. How in the world has something I enjoy and cherish so deeply causing me to feel so hurt? (Often times I make the joke to my friends that I wish everyone would stop doing the next chapter of their lives until I also am ready for that point in my life.) This has been on my mind pretty much everyday. I assume because I am at that age where many people are settling down. Romance, love and marriage, three of my favorite things have turned me into a jealous, mean and hateful person.
So I am working on it. & let me tell you it has not been easy. What I mean by working on it is that I am not looking at social media and constantly telling my therapist about this deep longing I have. She is very quick to assure me that my feelings are valid and it is okay to feel the way I feel as long as I do not sit in that feeling. She also informs me, every time, that as humans we were made for companionship. Yes, we were made for each other, whether you like people or not.
I started thinking about what she said and the other advice that has been offered to me, which honestly has led me to ask a myself a bunch of questions. & if I ever do find all the answers I’ll let you know.
I did find out I am not the only person who feels this way. Many twenty-somethings feel as if they are not as far into life as they should be. They don’t have the education they think they should have. Or they aren’t getting paid as much as all their friends. Or their job isn’t has glamorous as their peers. Or they aren’t in a serious relationship. Or maybe they are in a serious relationship but they are watching all their friends taking the next step and they aren’t quite ready to do the same. The list is honestly never ending.
People feeling out of place in life makes my heart hurt. We are all exactly where we should be, even if it feels wrong. & instead of seeing that we are here in this moment we are earning, desiring, striving for the next thing whatever it may be. I am guilty of it. Sometimes it is nice to stop and cherish the little moments we have right now.
I am in a great healthy relationship with a wonderful man. In the past and sometimes even now I poke and prod at him for our next step. This is completely unfair. The moments we share together are so special and we learn more about each other everyday. He plays golf on Sundays and I read in the golf cart. On nights he doesn’t work his second job he comes home to spend time with me. He knows I like doing laundry but I don’t like folding it and putting it up, so he folds and we put up together.
Why would I want any of that to change? This question doesn’t always pop into my brain when I am looking at the latest engaged couple on my Instagram feed. But here I am trying anyway. In this ever changing world, it is so hard to slow down & I love to be moving fast. I guess what I am trying to say is just take 5 minutes and look at all the little things that have happened to you that make you happy when you remember them and then just try to see those same things as they are happening in the moment. It won’t be easy but it will create a beautiful mindset that I think is definitely worth it.
Thoughts from a Twenty Something 