Disclaimer: if you are or a loved one has been personally victimized by the Enneagram this blog is for you.
Anyone who knows me knows I love knowing the emotions and intimacies of another person. The way people think and feel is super fascinating. I also love my emotions particularly the negative ones. Weird right? Who is attracted to sadness, melancholy or just plain feeling low? Enneagram 4s that’s who!
Enneagram 4s, also known as the Individualist or the Romantic, gravitate in general to the more negative emotions. We romanticize sadness and other emotions. We also read people well, often feel misunderstood, and are dubbed the creative ones.
So now that you know a little but about who I am and how my brain works, let me tell you something…
Recently in my relationship I came to the realization that things were kinda crappy. We both seemed agitated, short tempered and overall not happy to be around each other. After a huge heart-to-heart conversation, which you can rightly assumed I enjoyed because of all the emotional rawness, we figured out we lost ourselves.
Since then we have been on a journey to be the best individuals so we can be the best together. The work and effort put in has been high but the results have been amazing. Our relationship is fun again. We are both feeling fulfilled with our own things and in our relationship. It has been a complete turnaround.
So why do I feel like something should be wrong?
Growing up I would reimagine situations or memories happen differently, often filled with happy endings. Come to find out that is a part of being an Enneagram 4. We quite honestly expect things to go the way we imagined in our head and when they don’t we slip into this deep sadness that comforts us. Some of you reading this are probably thinking, “I’m sorry did she just say sadness comforts her?” You obviously are not a 4.
After a while 4s expect things to go wrong because the fantasy has been shattered so many times. So here I am waiting for something to go wrong.
It has been a hard couple of years for everyone. I think a lot of people have that sense that sometimes things are just too good to be true. That there is something dark and scary waiting around every corner. There is darkness in the world. But what if we held on to those moments of pure joy, pure bliss, absolute happiness? Do you think that the dark times would be as dark?
I encourage you to take the Enneagram Test. I am linking my favorite test here: https://www.eclecticenergies.com/enneagram/test
Learn more about yourself and how you can best understand others. Life is still hard and it seems like the world is throwing something new at us everyday. Try to find one bright spot every day.
My bright spot today: I am with a person who loves me and fights for our relationship.
P.S. if you do take the test please tell me what your results are! I love connecting with people and knowing their Enneagram type helps me know them even better from the start.
– A twentysomething
Thoughts from a Twenty Something 