I don’t love my body like I use to

I don’t love my body like I use to.

I am not going to say I have always felt negatively about my body because I haven’t. Here lately, you know bathing suit season and all, I have noticed changes in myself. I don’t fit in my clothes from last summer, bathing suits squeeze around my hips and waist, I am moving slower, not sleeping as well as I use to and overall not as happy as I have been.

We have all been there.

Two years ago I trained and raced a half marathon in Summerville, South Carolina. At the time I wasn’t in school and didn’t have a traditional job so I had all the time in the world to run. That was the best shape I have ever been in. My physical health was improving, my mental health was improving and for the first time in a long time I loved my body and the way it looked.

Unfortunately, I am placing the same expectations on my body now from when I was training two years ago. Not fair right? Over the last couple of days I have been walking, running and doing workouts. After I complete one of these activities I am often disappointed. I am averaging under 3 miles a run at a 13 to 14 minute pace. My body is incredibly sore after one 15 minute workout.

Part of me wants to call the quits and the other part of me wants to exercise 20 times a day, but neither of those things are the answer.

Your body is a beautiful thing. It takes you from place to place, it allows you to create thoughts, it grows, it stretches, it breathes for you, it creates energy and yet most of us don’t like our bodies.

After speaking with my therapist about my disappointment, frustration and anxiety about having to wear a swim suit in a couple of weeks she had quite a few things to say:

1. You are moving your body. That is relieving stress, improving your heart health, strengthening your muscles, helping you sleep better, and improving your mood.
2. As you exercise and become frustrated remind yourself of all the things you ARE when your mind is telling you everything you AREN’T.
3. Find a swimsuit that fits your body now, that you love your body in and feel comfortable in and then rock it.
4. Get online or on social media and find women in bathing suits of all different shapes and sizes who are healthy and are confident in their bodies and save those pictures. God did not make a cookie cutter human. He made us all different and all in His image. Look at those pictures and see how these women love their bodies as they are and remind yourself that God loves you as you are.

Honestly, I will still struggle to love my body. This is not a wake up revelation, this is work. So, here’s to trying and failing, pushing through, getting healthy and finding a way to love my body.

P.S. I found a bathing suit and I love it.